Let's invent a philosophy. Apoplectical Hyperrealism.
It's origins are in a German mystic called...Bagel. Unfortunately no one's sure what Porge Bagel said because he always spoke with his mouth full, so our ideas about him mainly come from a philosopher and revolutionary called Narks.
Writing with his friend Angels, Narks put it this way:
I turned the Bagel upside down, and scooped out the gastronomical filling, discarding the stale outer crust.
- The Gnomic and Orthodontic Manuscripts (1944)
Narks wrote many books using the tasty nuggets squeezed from Bagel, but somehow never got around to explaining what they were. Fortunately though, Angels wrote one and a half books explaining it, and their followers have been able to piece it all together. The three principles are as follows:
1) The principle of Fragmentation and Reconstitution: All things are constantly falling apart and coming back together, but in a different order.
For instance, when you breathe out, you are losing a part of yourself - Fragmenting the carbon dioxide from your lifeblood into the universe. But man cannot breathe out without thereafter breathing in, for without breath there is no life.
Man reconstitutes himself by drawing in breath, which is inevitably followed in an iron law of nature by exhalation.
When you eventually die your atoms are Fragmented into the soil, to Reconstitute as a tree or another person. So reality itself is breathing in and out, unable to ever stop. This is the Apoplexy of Apoplectic Hyperrealism.
2) The Principle of Comparison: Everything looks a bit like something else.
A man with a full head of hair resembles one with a small bald patch, who resembles one with a larger bald patch, who resembles a skinhead. Thus there is a chain of keratin from the hairiest hippy to the most shaven of punks, proving that if you change enough details, anything is a bit like its opposite.
3) Resemblance of the Resemblance: Sometimes, something looks so much like something else, it outshines the thing it looks like.
So, Lady Gaga is like Madonna, but with even worse clothes, a gayer fanbase and even more formulaic songs. Lady Gaga, the Resemblance of Madonna, has Reconstituted the Fragmentation of Madonna's attributes into a new, lower form.
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is a butter-substitute so buttery, it replaces butter in the fridges of people who don't like margarine. The imitation has replaced the original by taking the main points, and exaggerating them. This is the Hyperrealism.
This wonderful philosophy which perfectly explains absolutely bloody everything is not popular with those who control the world. The superrich are the only people with enough money to spend all day in bed - hence their name, the boudoirsie.
They are threatened by its profound implications, and have all the scientists in the world brainwashed into accepting a false idea of reality. This is ironic, because all the discoveries of every single scientist confirm Apoplectic Hyperrealism.
When you boil water, the molecules of H2O are Fragmented from the body of the liquid, eventually Reconstituting back into liquid in a different place. Small droplets of water floating in air Compare to particles of smoke, and as the Comparison increases, eventually the water (as steam) Compares to smoke more than the Smoke does, rising higher and being hotter.
Smoke that doesn't float is ash, and as steam turns back into water, it compares itself more and more to ash and therefore falls to the ground in a light sprinkle.
This view of the universe is both simple and obvious from a thousand daily phenomena and a million scientific facts, yet almost no one can see it. Such is the power of ideology.
The philosophy isn't just an unquestionable scientific truth, but also the only hope of humanity.
The great revolutionary Lemming used its principles to lead a people's coup, and even though the regime he set up turned into a barbaric dictatorship, that's only because his successor (Stealing) wasn't sufficiently Apoplectic.
There have been other glorious failures in many countries, and one day one of them will last more than a few years and spread through the whole world.
Finally, we should make clear that there is another philosophy called Dialectical Materialism, which may look superficially similar but is completely different.
Dialectical Materialism is a collection of incredibly vague, quasi-theological principles which can be interpreted to mean anything so as to 'explain' any and every phenomenon.
All refutations are simply condemned with circular logic as 'undialectical'. The evidence is cherry-picked and distorted to make it fit. The followers of this sad delusion form small warring factions, yet have spent the last 150 years believing they can use its mantras to lead humanity to salvation.
Once they can be convinced of Apoplectical Hyperrealism, they can join our cause - and then, comrades, the whole world will be Apoplectic.
